Last week I had an uncomfortable experience on Twitter. I replied to a tweet hoping to show support for someone’s hurt. But he was not amused. His response to my “helpful” post – though clearly within the bounds of respectful discourse – was a rebuke. And it stung.
The original tweet suggested that non-Indigenous Canadians want to believe that residential schools were actually good for Indigenous people. They want to believe this because they can’t handle the truth, namely that residential schools were a key instrument of colonial oppression of Indigenous people, and that non-Indigenous Canadians benefitted and continue to benefit from that oppression.
I rushed to reply that not all non-Indigenous Canadians felt this way. And then the tweet originator put me in my place.
He was right. In my effort to be supportive, to cast myself as an “ally” of Indigenous peoples, I had been tone deaf. I had neglected to consider the essence of his initial observation, that there are non-Indigenous Canadians who don’t want to acknowledge the perverse objectives of residential schools and the profound harm they caused for generations of Indigenous people, families and communities. I had made it all about me: about my own discomfort with this reality and about my need to atone.
I have a few takeaways from this uncomfortable experience, beyond the obvious fact that I need to master the Twitter platform.
First, we non-Indigenous Canadians have work to do to learn about the evil that was perpetrated in our name through residential schools. I know this to be true not only because I’ve read about it, but because I had the opportunity years ago to visit with residential school survivors across Canada as part of an assignment I did for the Government of Canada. The survivor pain that I saw and heard, up close and personal, was palpable – and it was unforgettable.
Second, truth comes before reconciliation. Knowing the unvarnished truth of our history is an essential first step to building a more just and respectful future. Problems can’t be solved and hurt can’t be overcome without proper diagnosis. We may not like what we hear, but we don’t have a hope in hell of making things better without acknowledging the truth.
And finally, we need to get more comfortable … with being uncomfortable. Paradoxically, just as digital platforms have created infinite possibilities to make new connections and explore other points of view, we are increasingly closing ourselves off from perspectives that rattle us. We look for other people to “like” or “retweet” our posts as confirmation that we are right. And then somebody dares to challenge our perspective and we are shaken, particularly when, as in my case, we believe our intentions to be good.
My response to the original tweet was defensive. Saying, in effect, that not all non-Indigenous Canadians are ignorant or insensitive – something the originator already knew – must have seemed smug and condescending. It may also have sounded like I was minimizing what we both would agree is a real problem.
The whole exchange, including seeing how many Twitter followers “liked” or “re-tweeted” his rebuke, made me distinctly uncomfortable. But it also made me reflect. It reminded me that sometimes it’s more important to hear someone else, to re-frame a situation from another person’s perspective, than it is to be smart or right. I was uncomfortable, but that’s a very small price to pay to move one tiny step closer to Reconciliation.
I apologized to my Twitter contact, and he graciously thanked me “for understanding”. But in truth, all thanks go to him, for showing me the way.
Learning more
If you are looking to expand your horizons – to get a little uncomfortable about your perspective, or at least, to watch other people test theirs from the comfort of your home – you can watch this 3-part reality tv program, First Contact, which recently aired on APTN. First Contact is not perfect, but on balance I think it does a terrific job of challenging us.
Thank you for sharing this- even if we believe ourselves to be evolved(and often are), there’s still a lot to learn about the insidiousness of this issue.
Indeed there is, Elayne. Evolution in progress!
Well said. And we need to get used to the discomfort of discussions about gender dynamics quickly. The things about assuming we know something is that we are not used to being challenged on it. You assumed that expressing your solidarity with indigenous people would be welcomed. Similarly, we assume men and women enter into the workplace, the family, sexual relationships as equals. Specifically, I believed in women’s liberation and that I was beneficiary of battles well fought and won… Only to be reminded at various points (but more obviously lately) that we still have a long way to go before we have equal footing. Thanks for reminding me parse what I take for granted.
I hear you, Sister! Thanks for expanding the conversation.
While reconciling our learning and knowledge we must also be respectful and continue to encourage and motivate this learning otherwise the deaf ears will continue to exist. I appreciate your feelings about being comfortable with the uncomfortable. And agree with you. But your original tweeter hopeful was motivating your lifelong learning! You are such a model of this……
Thanks, Pat. I appreciate your comments, which ring very true.